F is for...

Food

That may seem like a bizarre topic, but I'll try to make it applicable. I love food. Any and All kinds. (Well....except fish. I can't do fish.) I grew up eating awesome home cooked meals. Between my mom and my grandma, we were never in short supply of roast beef and mashed potatoes. I don't remember it ever being an issue for me to not finish my plate. So, I guess it comes as no surprise today why I have weight issues.

Ever since high school, I have been conscious that I wasn't a skinny girl. I didn't play sports, but instead worked through high school...at a restaurant. That's where I fell in love with more F's:
French Fries
Fried Food

In college, I started working out regularly for the first time in my life and maintained my weight pretty well. My senior year was an emotionally stressful year and I put on about 30 lbs. When I moved to Billings to start my job, I took my new paycheck and joined Weight Watchers and managed to lose 40 lbs in a little over a year. I got down to a very lovely 140 lbs and felt SO GOOD. I made lifetime member at WW and vowed to keep off the weight. I suppose you know what happened. Five pounds became ten. Ten became Twenty. I realized my whole life will be a yoyo if I kept this up. When Jerod and I started dating, I had managed to lose ten pounds of my weight. But, dinners at fancy restaurants, drinking wine and watching movies didn't really do me any favors.

I joined a weight loss group at church and started taking dieting seriously again. The great thing about having a weight loss program rooted in the Word is that it really makes you examine the reasons for your weight problems. Most women in the group discovered that they were obvious emotional eaters. I was quick to cross that off my list because I am the exact opposite. When I'm depressed or stressed, I go the other way and end up not eating much at all. It was several weeks into it when I discovered that I was, in fact, an emotional eater. But, I eat when I'm happy. I realized that growing up, we would always eat in celebration. We always had guests at our house and my mom always had yummy food to eat. Holiday dinners were always held at our house and when we got together, there was always food. That's why I love food so much. It links back to happy times in my life. And I believe that's why losing weight since being with Jerod has been extremely difficult.

Jerod + Me = Happy -> Food -> Pudgy Andi

So, where does that leave me? A happy, but pudgy yoyo. I struggle every day and I know as I get older and my metabolism slows down, it will only get harder. It's my Achilles heel and I will never be able to get over it. There will always be calorie counting and portion control and gym membership and multiple sizes of clothes. So, if you ever see me and I'm totally skinny, be sure to ask why I'm so sad.