J is for...

It stinks how some letters are SO HARD to come up with a word for, but others are so easy that you have a tough time choosing what to write about. That's how I feel about J, so I'm doing two words.

Jen
She's my sister. And my best friend.

Jerod
He's my husband. And my best friend.

The three of us have had a tough go of it.

I thought it was so funny that when I started to get to know Jerod, he reminded me so much of my sister. Not in a creepy Freudian way, but in a "You're cool and quirky and you make me laugh" kind of a way. No one understands me like my sister. I can be a little dry and sarcastic with my jokes, and that makes me misunderstood by most. My sister gets it. Then all of a sudden there was this guy that got it too. I couldn't wait for them to meet each other. (I even had a freaky thought that they might get along too well and Jerod would fall for her instead. Yeah, welcome to my brain. You like it here?)

So, then they met. And I was so confused as to why we all weren't instantly a hilarious threesome of best friends that could hang out and understand each others' weird jokes. They both didn't quite know what to think of each other and I translated it as them each not liking the other and it pissed me off. I honestly don't know why the first meeting went so badly. I can't speak for either of them. It might have been me. I maybe came across as insecure and both their protective claws came out. I don't know. All I know is that it broke my heart that they didn't instantly adore each other.

I'm not the best sister to Jen when Jerod is around, and I'm not the best girlfriend/fiance/wife to Jerod when Jen is around. I'm still working that balance out. It's hard to do because I never meant for one relationship to be a replacement to the other, yet I'm afraid it came across that way. I was living in the perfect world in my head where each relationship would supplement each other all would be peachy. I'm totally green at this stuff, but I suppose a lot of girls struggle with this when they get engaged or married. The whole girlfriend/husband relationship balance is hard. And it seems all three of us don't know quite what to do about it.

I know I get all "doomy" about it, but I'm not really. I know both my sister and my husband care about me and because of this, I know they won't give up on each other. They both know how I feel about them and I'm hoping that it will just take some time to find our balance.