M is for...

Marriage

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DISCLAIMER: Ok, before you get all eye-rolly on me, I just want to say that I will try not to make this pathetic. It's not so much about my three months experience in marriage, but in my decision to get married. So stop with the rolling of the eyes! I couldn't come up with a super fascinating M word, ok??

I also have to say that I'm a giant hypocrite. I realize this. That actually came THIS CLOSE to being my word for my H-post. So, that being said, just know that I realize that I don't practice what I preach. I realize that I don't know anything about marriage. I'm new at this gig! But, I've got to try to take what I can learn from people around me and apply it. Chances are, I'll read this post a year from now, shake my head, and smile at my silly childish ignorance. But, I've got to try. And, hey, that's the risk of a blog, right? Spout your opinions only to be proved wrong later.

So, please, if an attitude of smugness or high and mightiness is seeping through this post, just stop reading. I'd rather it didn't be read at all then to be misunderstood. And then shoot me an email and tell me to get off my high horse. Ok? Done.

Is it still technically a disclaimer if it is longer then the actual post? No, seriously. I'm done now.
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Through the wonders of Facebook, I found an old friend I worked with in Kosovo. He is Albanian and currently finishing up school. We soon ended up on Yahoo Messenger to chat a bit and to catch up. The wonderfully refreshing thing about this friend is that there is no faky-ness in him at all and he had soon opened up to me about some struggles in his life. He's currently "dating" a girl in his church and his family and her family are expecting marriage soon. But, he's nervous. He has a head full of doubts about it, but culturally, it is the thing to do. Their dating is the same thing as engagement, so to date for a long time and never get married is somewhat unheard of. He soon asked me the question, "How did you KNOW you were with the person you want to be married to? I mean, how do you have that assurance that they will love you always?" I smiled as I typed my response, "I don't." He was very confused by my response, so I clarified by saying that the only person I can control is me. Rather then asking the question "Will this person love me always?", I needed to ask the question, "Will I love this person always even if he doesn't love me back?" I told him that I believe that love is a choice...and it's fleeting. While I dated Jerod, we talked endlessly about the commitment of marriage and how we both viewed it. We talked about love a little, but we both realized that was kind of secondary, since we knew we are both selfish and imperfect beings, especially at the love thing. Can I love as Christ loves? Can I choose to say, "Ok, I know you aren't always going to love me. I know you'll hurt me and betray me. But, you know what? I'll try my best to love you anyway. I'm committed to this."

At one of my bridal showers that some ladies from my church put on for me, they went around the circle and gave little snippets of wisdom to me. One lady cracked me up by telling me that she believes the reason that her marriage works is because God never allows them both be mad at the same time. There is always the loving, calm, rational one during a fight...and it's not always the same person. The more I thought about it, the more I could really appreciate what she said. I loved that thought of how God kept watch over them by, at all times, giving at least one of them the ability to speak in love and patience. If only we could all be so blessed.

So, really, it's not so much about trusting your spouse that they will honor their commitment, or they will love you forever. It's about trusting God that he will help you with the commitment YOU have made. That sounds a little depressing doesn't it? Don't get me wrong. I love Jerod. I trust Jerod. But, I also know that he is, like me, a sinner. And we'll both make mistakes. Our only hope is to have God in the center of our relationship and rely on Him that He'll make us the spouses to each other that He has intended.